Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Were You Telling The Truth?

To: Y.
From: E.

For some reason I wish that I had never told you. All of the signs that I shouldn't tell you were there, but I didn't listen. I feel like a heel, and am afraid that I have ruined not only our friendship but whatever possibility of a relationship there might have been. I feel confident in saying that even had things turned out differently we would have never been together, but the always annoying and hateful "IF" is staring, ready to slap you in the face.

I want to believe the things you said, but it just screams of being let down easy, it screams of "I don't have these feelings for him, but I don't want to hurt him", and here I am content to wait and find out if you were telling the truth. A year is a long time to wait on something that might never happen, but the lesson in patience will do me good. All I want is your happiness, all I want is to find myself in a relationship that would be pleasing before God. I am a fool for this, however; other twenty year old guys don't think like I do. Am I to be alone forever, or will my willingness to wait you out pay off in the end?

Someone asked me what I was going to do in regards to our situation; I told them that I had decided to trust you, but in reality I think I'm just waiting to call your bluff. Is that spiteful of me? I say that all I want is your happiness and yet this is how I feel about the whole situation; that I am calling your bluff?

A long time ago I had a conversation with someone about relationships; I told them how I felt that I would never get married, how I didn't think it was "in the cards" for me, and yet here I am thinking about you.

Are you my shot? If I've blown this opportunity have I blown my shot? Does God only give us one shot at these things? I don't know the answer to that; I doubt that anyone does, really.

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