Wednesday, April 4, 2012

First And Only

Letters We Never Sent
Hey love,

I miss you so immensely right now, especially since you've decided to be distant with me. Isn't the physical separation enough? I know you think you are hardly ever on my mind but that couldn't be further from the truth. You're always occupying some space in there- I see and experience things I wish I could share with you, things that remind me of you, that make me feel warm and loved or very lonely knowing you aren't here.
So I hope you come around soon. Until then, I'll give you space and be content just to have you fill that little bit of my mind. And maybe worry just a little (you know I can't help it) about how you're doing. But you are stronger than you let yourself believe and I'm sure you'll get over this fine without me. Otherwise, you know I'm here.

I've met plenty of others lately that I know could spark something with, but they all lacked something essential; you always looked at me with such complete devotion, and I knew you would do anything to keep me in your life. Everything else is there with these guys except that. I don't know if you ever saw it- whether my eyes held as much to read as yours- but that's how I felt (still feel) about you. You have such a complete hold on my heart. I would tell you so, but it's never going to make a difference if you can't see yourself the way I see you. You can't depend on me to feel okay about yourself. That is why I had to put up the walls that I did, and even though it's tough I still feel I'm doing the right thing. But that doesn't make me miss you any less.

You made me feel in control and yet want to give in, reminded me what a gorgeous and fully alive being I am. I wish I had your arms around me, your breath on my neck and my skin against the warmth of yours. I wish your fingers were playing gently with my hair, soothing me, and you were looking at me in that way that used to make me feel so at peace. But for now, just getting to hear your voice again would be a treat. What do you say?

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