Wish I Knew

Oz,

I am so...scared...insecure...worried. I guess they all fall into the same category, don't they??? I have been told for so many years that i am ugly..no good, no one would ever find me attractive...and told on a daily basis what exactly is wrong with me on that day. Then you came into my life. I never assume anyone finds me anything but comical. But comedy is my thing...if I give you something to laugh about, you won't look too deep into me. Most people just assume I am happy. Thats okay...I don't let too many people all the way in...if they don't think there is anything wrong, then they don't go too far beyond the "hey hows it going" phase of congeniality. But...you kept coming around...and making me laugh. Then...being with you...I mean..really being with you...took me to a place I didn't ever think I would get to go, and I let myself fall for you. But...and here is where that first sentence comes in to play...I don't know what I have that is special that would make you want to stay...and..I don't know how to get over that. I wish I knew.

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