Thursday, December 27, 2007

You Have Broken My Heart And Still I Come Running Back

Letters We Never SentI miss you. I miss the way things used to be before you changed. Or maybe I am the one who has changed, expectations wise I mean. I was naive and only wanted to be wanted. I put up with being walked all over but I have made friends who have shown me how I deserve to be treated, and its not the way you treat me. When someone else comes along you give them all of your attention as if I am some kind of embarrassment. You tell all your friends, who are mostly girls anyways that you love them. Do you not care that it hurts me so much, do you not realise that now when you say it to me it means nothing? You have broken my heart so many times and I have and I always will come running back to you.


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

18 Days Seems Like Forever

Letters We Never SentDearest Marie,

I miss you so much, and you've only been gone for 18 days. It seems like it's been forever. I don't know how I'm gonna carry on without you here with me, helping me through the day at school. Everything was always so fun with you, even classes, and especially when we went out to movies. You are my bestest best friend in the entire universe, and I hope I see you soon.


Jamie (Your BabyBushpig)
Because you will always be my BabyToothpick

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I Still Love You, But I Am The Only One Trying...

Letters We Never SentYou haven't been around much lately. So many things have been happening with me, and I've really needed to talk to you.

The other day when I saw you I so badly just wanted to run into your arms. Everything inside of me was screaming out for you, calling you, but you didn't hear or see me. You looked happy, you seem happy without me. When we do talk you always seem so far away, like you've got nothing to say to me anymore

I miss you, I really do. Everyday I wait to hear from you. Everyday I hope and pray we could talk like we used to, but everyday I'm left alone and disappointed. Its not your fault that you have a life and that your busy, I understand we cant always talk, but is half an hour out of your day too much to ask? Is an off-line message or SMS too much to ask?

You don't understand whats been happening with me, you don't know what I'm going through. To be honest I don't know whats going on with you either, and it hurts me. I'm supposed to be the most important person in your life, but at the moment I don't feel like I am. I feel like I am an after thought. Surely I mean more to you than that? I don't know what to say anymore.

Sometimes I feel like running away and trying to forget about you and everything else until I eventually just die.I know there is something very wrong with me, but do you know that? Do you know that I'm not going to be here forever?

I don't think you need me as much as you say you do anymore. Maybe there was a time when you would die without me but now, your living you life and I don't seem to be apart of it anymore. I still love you, I have and always will love you. I'm trying so hard to be with you but I feel like I'm the only one trying I need you, I really need you to be here.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Grandfather, I Miss You

Letters We Never SentMy loving grandfather:

I have never got the chance to tell you how i feel about u or just even to tell you i love u.

Now you are dead and i always cry when i ust hear your name or when i visit your grave it was once and i never do it again ...

Why i dont know when i saw your grave i couldnt stop crying and they took me away ..

I cant tell you how i fell its just hurt and i wanted to see u before u died they never allowed me to do it

and you died and i'll never gona see u again but who knows maybe a going to heaven and u will be there and i will see u but we never know

I wish that u can hear me now to tell u just i love you

I really do

God bless you soul

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Soon There Will Be No More Left Of Me

PhotobucketDear K.N.,

I just want you to know that I love you even though I know you can never love me. I don't ask you or expect you to love me back, and wish that you will never know how much I love you because I don't want to loose you.

Seeing you again was the best Christmas present ever. After you left, I felt like an empty shell. I hated that feeling. It's like this everytime I say goodbye to you. I think a part of me left with you and left with only a part of me.... Soon there will be no more left of me.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Pain Of You Not Being There

Letters We Never SentDon,

I wish I could get through to you. You don't see all the hurt you cause and I am running out of energy to keep it together much longer.

In all of our years together, you have grown more selfish, miserable and anti social. We began our life with similar goals. Along the road you seem to have lost sight of what's important.

I see things clearer as we age. A marriage is supposed to be give and take. You have yet to give. Emotionally, you are unavailable yet when you need me, I am right by your side. I never minded too much but now that our child has grown a bit, I am not willing to let you break her spirit as well. I see how you affect her and realize it is what I have allowed for too long.

Words that are never spoken hurt just as much as those said in anger.

I have not felt loved in a very long time, yet I shower you with it. I've handled many tragedies in our life, alone, because you never gave me the support I needed. I even forgave you after losing Sarah. Maybe I was too distraught to deal with you. Lately, I think back to then and the pain of you not being there for me hurts.

Many days I think of just driving, not coming home. I return for my child.

You have no idea that I plan to leave you. It may not occur today, tomorrow or next year, but it will happen. I am making changes in my life, all around. I am tired. I give and give to all those who need to the point of leaving nothing for myself. So many times I have wanted to hit you, scream at you to wake up, see what you are doing. See the pain you cause and tell you how undeserving you are of my love. I refuse to do this out of anger. When the time comes, I will be the bigger person. I will not hurt you the way you have hurt me. The funny thing is, I wonder if you will even care.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Regret And Love

Letters We Never SentDear Kiko,

I just wanted to write say a couple of things that I might not have expressed to you the way it was supposed to be expressed. When it was supposed to be expressed. You know? You take your time to think about things, without even realizing that you are taking too long, and it just might be too late by the time you've got your answer. Sometimes going on on a whim isn't so bad as some people seem to make it seem. I don't know what kind of world we all try to live upon, but the one I live in gives us freedom. Now unless noted otherwise I am not bound to any one man unless he is, or in the process of marrying me, until then it is up to me to decide the strength of the relationship, and if it can with stand......

I think we both said and did a lot of things I know we both regret, but make not mistake by my actions, they in fact were correct. I want you to know that I deeply, and truly do love you from the bottom of my endless heart.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

All In The Past...


It's been a few months since we ended our relationship and I hope you've found a good man who'll love and protect you better than I did. I'll have you know that I'm not bitter or anything, in fact, I believe this is the healthiest decision that you've our entire relationship. Sometimes, I look back to that night when you said sorry for breaking up with me and that you wanted me back, and wish that I should have said yes.

But it's not that simple, you and I both know that. We'd end up in the same dilemma that broke us up anyway: long distance. We're worlds apart now, with each a personal struggle with life. I can only hope you're moving forward and have already gotten over me. I, on the other hand, still love you.

I miss hearing you call me "baby" despite the monster that I am. I miss kissing you passionately in the rain. I miss making you laugh with my silly impersonations. I miss making love to you, caressing your slim body and pleasuring you until beg me to stop.

But that's all in the past now.

Life has not been kind to me lately. I have fallen deep into alcoholic depression and have discovered that I am not healthy as I used to brag I was. I only pray that you do know of my sadness and despair, ever. I cannot bear to see you blame yourself for what I have become. For your sake, please live!

Live happily.

I love you.