I just wanted to write you my last and final letter. I just wanted you to know what you did to my heat and my soul. You took my spirit and you broke it. You shattered my faith in people. I loved you with all my heart and I gave you every last ounce of me. Unfortunately, you took advantage of the person that I am. I had it perfect in my eyes for 3 years with you.
The night that I came home (July 26th) and you said it was over and you did not want me anymore I stopped wanting to live. My ambition was gone, my smiles were turned upside down, my future went dark. I spend these days trying to rebuild myself to the strong woman that I know I am.
When you called me today to wish me a happy thanksgiving could you tell that I was in tears? Did you know that I just wanted to skip this holiday? Do you know, do you really know what you did to me? Do you know what you keep doing to me?
Damn John, You broke me and I am trying to fix myself. They say time eases all pain. Does it really? I continue to cry everyday. When will I be content enough to stop crying? When will I be out of tears?
Please, the next time you pick up the phone to call me... don't. When you see the snow fly I hope you remember me always saying "Kiss me in the Snow" When you see a goose I hope you think of Henry. When you see a deer I hope you think of owen, jane and zak. When you see a volkswagen I hope you think of me...
You did have me at Hello and then crushed me at goodbye. Remember the days and nights at the cabin? Remember singing to me how you will always love me? Remember the hugs and the kisses? Remember "I'll find you?" I ask God everyday what I did to deserve this. I continue to ask Why me?. What now? If this is some sort of test when do I find out if I passed? I am just so damn torn up inside. I can't erase your memory. Maybe i just don't want to. I know I can never go back to where we were. i cannot let myself destruct like that anymore.
You tell everyone what a good woman I was and how great I treated you but you still chose to end it. Are you that selfish? You ended a 3 1/2 year relationship and put me and my 2 kids out. That sickens me. And to think here I am ready to give you another chance. I guess I am the stupid one. I need to put away my rose colored glasses. This is my final letter to you... my last goodbye. I need to start over and today is the day that I will begin again.
Monday, November 19, 2007
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